Self Confidence

Nothing quite like hearing "From the moment I met X, I knew I liked him. That isn't to say that we didn't like you." Obviously it has taken some time for people to get to know me and warm up to me. The crazy thing is I feel as if my job is on the line every week and the more mistakes I make the closer I move to being let go. So I try to do even more work than I can do, bring work home while X tells me to "Go home. the work will still be here tomorrow." Sure, X, you have not had the pressure of getting as much done or you know how to not let it affect you.

What it really comes down to - I am a people pleaser. I wish I could just do things for myself that make me happy (without being cruel to others) and not get so caught up in how will people like me? Do they like me? Do I fit in?

It is just a job that I am learning about, gaining experience and self confidence. Yet I get so worried about how I am doing compared to others. Will the boss like me? I get a sinking feeling every time I hear the "Can I speak with you?" Why is that? Fear of failure? Who knows?

I just wish my A game was better.